Recall a situation in which you were a participant or observer during which a verbal conflict escalated. Briefly describe the situation, and discuss which conflict resolution techniques you did use or could have used to resolve or de-escalate the conflict. Be specific in the methods you choose and explain why you selected the method and its effect. Respond to at least two of your fellow classmates’ postings.
For many people, avoidance is the preferred method of dealing with conflict, but it is not the best practice (EthicsScoreboard, 2007). It can be a harrowing, intimidating experience, but it is a debt we owe to society and to ourselves to confront and deal with issues that are conflicting in nature. It is easier to walk away or try to ignore an offensive issue, but what is the message your actions are delivering to others and yourself when you do that? There are many ways we can deal with conflict.
A situation I encountered a few weeks ago happened when a friend and I were out shopping. We decided to purchase a multi-pak item and split the cost. Since she paid for it, I was going to reimburse her later. When later came, we were at the gas station and at the time I did not have cash on me. As she was getting her cash together to go inside and pay for her gas, I started to look for my credit card so she could put the amount I owed her on it.
I do not like being indebted to people, whether it is a small amount or even if it is a friend or business associate. To my surprise, she declined to use the credit card. This represented conflict emergence (Brahm, 2003). She said no I don’t want your card, you can give me cash. I was baffled and did not understand. At this point, to me the conflict was escalating and my actions would determine how far it would go. She said it in a pleasant manner while smiling the entire time. This made me unsure of whether she was serious or not. I wasn’t sure how to respond.
I kept weighing the situation mentally trying to understand her actions. I was somewhat offended and perplexed. I wanted to pay her back immediately so I would not have to deal with it another day. In my mind, I could see the situation going to the next level (conflict escalation) (Brahm, 2003). I did not want to go there because I was reminded of several times when took quite a while to repay me. I did not want to be guilty of doing that to her. So I had to get a mental grasp on the situation.
I decided to keep the issue in context and not let it go any further. When she got back into the car, I confessed that I did not have enough cash with me, but I wanted to pay my debt immediately. I stated that was the reason for offering to pay it with my credit card for the gas. But since she preferred not to use my credit card, I would have to wait until I had the cash and I would reimburse her for what she paid for my items. She replied that was okay and she did not have a problem waiting for it. I sighed with relief that the situation was not compounded, but at the same time I still felt torn.
The conflict resolution technique I used to resolve the situation was the S-TLC approach (stop, think, listen, communicate) coupled with collaboration (Cahn & Abigail, 2007). When I recognized the potential for conflict, I had to stop (from jumping to conclusions or responding hastily and irrationally). Then I thought about the issue and listened to what she was actually saying (as opposed to what I was hearing in my head). Then I decided to explain (communicate) my action (why I was offering to use the credit card to repay her). Afterwards, I was glad the situation was resolved without further misunderstandings.
Collaboration (involving cooperation, collective action and mutual assistance) (Cahn & Abigail, 2007) is a combined effort to arrive at a solution that is satisfying to all participants. She communicated her desires and I acquiesced with a convenient timeframe. It was diffused with minimal effort and represented a win—win outcome. Denise
Cahn, D., Abigail, R. A. (2007). Managing conflict through communication. (3rd
ed.) Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.
Retrieved online on 2/2/2011. http://www.ethicsscoreboard.com/list/confrontation.html
Retrieved online on 2/2/2011. http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/conflict_stages/
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